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From the book "Beyond the Vail"

Dictated by visible full-form spirit materializations
through the mediumship of William W Aber

Suicide and its Results

The awful lesson of a clandestine marriage and a wonderful romance, though the picture of a real life as related in her own handwriting by a spirit using the nom de plume of Grace, and this is the writing, to-wit:

I have been requested by Dr. Reed to relate my experience in earth life and in spirit life, in order for you to draw comparison between the two.

I wish to keep my full name a secret, as my mother is still living, and the recital to her of my sufferings would grieve her sorely. Therefore I shall give my Christian name, Grace."  Here this spirit, talking in a whisper, said: 'When you are done with the earth life, you will find me and who I am, for I shall meet you as you come over here, reveal to you, and then you will know.' Then the writing continued of her childhood and youth to the age of twenty years:

I was born and reared in a New England village. My father married quite late in life a woman many years younger than himself, and I was the only child of the union. Early in life he had secured a finished education, and when his once ample fortune had disappeared, he turned his education to account by teaching, and for some years was the village school-master.

 I was always very studious and he encouraged me in every way in my studies, so that at the age of eighteen I had acquired an excellent education.

My greatest fault was the love of fine dress, and, although father had a very limited income, he managed to indulge me in many ways.

Every summer our little village was crowded with city people of moderate incomes, as a usual thing, who could not afford to spend their summers at a fashionable resort. But occasionally we would have wealthy people, tired of the crowded resorts and in search of novelty or attracted by the wonderful curative power of our pure mountain air.

I had a good musical education, and always took part in the village concerts and sang in the church choir. I possessed the peculiar combination of light hair and dark eyes, in fact my mirror reflected a very pleasing image, and instead of my parents trying to control my vanity, they encouraged it. Time went on until I was in my twentieth year.

That summer brought to our village a handsome young man in the person of a young lawyer in search of a quiet place to spend the season. After a successful winter at the bar, he found he had overworked himself, and his physicians prescribed rest in some quiet, out-of-the-way place. R. was very sociable and, being fond of music and a fine singer, we soon drifted together. At first we only exchanged a few words in regard to music and the cultivation of the voice. These little formalities grew into longer conversations. At last he asked permission to call on me at home. I granted his request with pleasure, and many happy hours we spent together in the old home.

The Mother's Warning Unheeded

R. was a polished flatterer and I was eager for praise, and my mother noticed my infatuation for him before I realized it myself. She remonstrated with me and tried to show the utter folly of my love for one in his station. Dear mother, with a foresight that is given to few, seemed to see that my love for him only meant sorrow for me. But, foolish, rebellious girl that I was, I would not listen to her warning and rushed headlong to my doom! In order to appear fair in the eyes of R., I forced my father to go far beyond his means to furnish me with the finery I would have.

Treachery Unobserved by the Confiding Victim

R. asked me to be his wife, and I was very happy although he told me we would have to be married secretly on account of his father. He said his father was in ill health and could not stand the shock of his marrying below his station. In a few years, he said, we could tell his father, and all would be well; and, poor fool that I was, I consented to the bane of civilization, a clandestine marriage! But then how beautiful the future seemed to me! In that glorious future I would have every wish granted. I would live in a beautiful home and have servants to do my bidding.

The Last Night at Home

In my selfishness I had no thought for the dear ones at home who had toiled and sacrificed for years in order that I might be happy; but during all eternity I shall not be able to efface from my memory my last night at home. It was late in the autumn, and the leaves were beginning to fall, covering the ground with as many colors as Jacob's coat. Everything around me seemed sad but myself. As usual, after our simple tea was over, my father opened his worn Bible to read a chapter and offered a prayer before bedtime. For some (to me then) unaccountable reason, he asked heaven's blessing on my future welfare. Oh, how I longed to throw myself in his arms and tell him all, for I dearly loved my father! But the impulse was banished as quickly as it came, and I whispered to my conscience that I would care for my parents well when I became rich. And, bidding them good-night, I retired to my room to wait with patience until all should grow quiet, and I could slip away unnoticed.

Leaving the Dear Old Home Forever

At last all was still, and, throwing a loose cloak over my dress, I slipped out at the back door. Though the 'still, small voice' whispered to me to return. I would not heed it, but finding R. waiting for me at the corner of the street with a light buggy, we drove to a nearby town, where I wanted that we be married, but he persuaded me to wait until we had reached the city, for, he said, we were 'already married in the eyes of God.' So we took the train for New York.

When we reached the city I insisted on a marriage ceremony, and we were married, as I supposed, in a dingy little office that bore a justice of the peace sign on the door. But long afterward I learned that the quondam justice was the lowest kind of scoundrel and a friend to R. R. was very kind to me at first, and I was very happy. But after awhile he began staying away from home, and when I questioned him about his absence, his ready excuse was his 'business.' And I knew that a lawyer's time is not his own, therefore I accepted his excuse without question.

One morning he told me that he was going away on a business trip and might be away several weeks, and I entreated him to allow me to accompany him, as it would be so lonesome to me there, with only the company of the servants. But he refused to take me.

"R. had been gone for perhaps an hour when a messenger boy came with a letter for me. I recognized R.'s handwriting on the envelope, and tore it open with trembling finger and the words in that letter seared my soul as with a red-hot iron. I had never known real misery until that moment. His letter told me that he was going away to return no more, that I should never look upon his face again. He said that our marriage was a sham one and, more bitter than all, he advised me to return to my father. Traitor that he was, to advise me to return to a home that I had left for him.

I resolved, then and there, that I would never return to my home until I had hunted him the ends of the earth, if need be, and made him acknowledge me as his wife. And, after a short time growing calmer, I changed my morning dress for one more suitable for street wear, and left the house in the search, and first sought the office of the man who performed the marriage ceremony, but could get no trace of him or R., though searching for days, but all without avail. My stock of money was small and after I had paid and dismissed the servants, it soon dwindled away.

I then saw that I must seek work and a cheaper boarding-place and went to the minister of the church that I was in the habit of attending, and laid my case before him, and asked his assistance, but he told me that he could do nothing for me unless I had good reference, and that was impossible for me to give. And, although I advertised in one of the leading dailies and tried the intelligence office for work, it was all unsuccessful because I could give no reference. And, worse still, I was frequently insulted on account of my pretty face. And I prayed to God to open the way for me for honest work, but my Prayers were unanswered. And I parted with all my jewels to satisfy the greed of my landlady. And when all had been sacrificed but my wedding-ring, and my landlady was threatening me with expulsion, I resolved to make one more effort for work, and, that failing, to then take my life. Friends, I could not lead a life of shame, and that was the only means of escape open to me. I walked all day seeking work, but could not find any. It was growing dark when I returned to my lodging-house.

Oh, what an alternative! I went to my room and meditated for a long time. Finally I decided to sell my ring for enough money to purchase some drug to end my life. And I went and did sell my ring for enough chloroform to end my miserable existence. Friends, I trust you will never know what it is to be in a strange city without friends. But with the chloroform clutched tight in my hand I crept back to my room. I did not take it at once. I could not. Oh, how I longed to see the dear ones at home! But I felt that I had caused them sorrow enough and I dared not let them know I had ended my own life, so I destroyed everything that I had left that would serve to identify my body, and inhaled the drug that would bring me the forgetfulness I so longed for.

No matter what may happen to you, friends, do not be guilty of self-murder. I know that the sufferings of one who has murdered another are fearful when they awake to the full knowledge of their deed, but I do not think their anguish can exceed that of suicides when the awakening comes to them. However, my death was very peaceful. I felt a sinking sensation, and then everything was a blank. How long this condition lasted I do not know.

(Reader, contemplate the scene at the beginning of this chapter as you peruse the following)

When my spirit awoke, I was standing in the room. On the bed lay an emaciated form of myself. Oh the lines of suffering on that cold face. For a time I stood looking at my body. How free from care I felt! Then came a revulsion of feeling. I thought of what might have been, and wept bitter tears. Friends, doesn't it seem singular that a spirit should weep over its earthly life.Yet many of us do.

With proper training I would have been a useful member of society. Now I was helpless, as I thought the rain was, as it come down in torrents and beat the easement with a weird sound. Yet nothing could have been more weird than the scene within, a spirit weeping over its dead body! I wept until I felt relieved and gradually the room faded from my view and I seemed in a dim light, my conscience kept saying:

'Oh, why did you take your own life?' until I was almost mad. My thoughts continually traveled back to my past life. How many things I found to condemn and so few to praise! Oh, where was I ? I had so often longed for solitude in some peaceful place when I was experiencing so much trouble. Now my solitude was complete. Yet it was distasteful to me. I could see now that it would have been best for me to have humbled my pride and returned home. Friends, I shall not try to tell you of my sufferings (mental) during the first year of my life in the spirit world. You can have no conception of their depths.

A Lady Spirit, Not the Son of God, Leads to Redemption

At last a Spirit from a higher sphere came to me and offered me assistance. Oh, how gladly I accepted it! She taught me to help myself by helping others. And my self-imposed duty is to impress homeless, friendless creatures as I once was. That self-murder is not the end of their sufferings, but the real beginning.  Don't think that my progress has been rapid, for it has not. I have had many things to learn and many more to unlearn, since I began to progress.

But What Became of R ?

I had been in Spirit life only a short time when I began seeking for R. At last I reached him, and found him but a wreck of his former self. He was so changed by disease and suffering that I scarcely knew him and I rejoiced to think that he was indeed suffering. For weeks and months I dogged his footsteps and tormented him all I could. I was not able to show myself to him, but I could impress him very strongly, and I did. His life was going out with consumption, and, after I grew to realize my position and his, I pitied him; but it was a long time before I could forgive him.

Friends, your likes and dislikes do not leave you the instant you enter the spirit spheres, and it requires continued effort to banish a hatred you have nourished for months. And I felt that he had deprived me of all that was beautiful in life, and had even caused my death.

Of Her Father, Her Home Now, Her Work, and Advice of Warning

My father came to Spirit life a short time after I did, and he has helped me in many ways. We often go to meet mother, although she does not realize that we are with her.

My home in Spirit life is very beautiful. I have been able to keep more than one young girl from leaving her home to go among strangers without the consent of father or mother, and I have kept many more from suicide.

It is best, friends, to live out the allotted years of earth life. It would have been best for me, and I think it would be best for everyone.

I have gradually outgrown the dark conditions that surrounded me at first, but the struggle has been long and bitter. Thanking you for your patience, I bid you good-night.

(Signed) "Grace"

And the white-robed Spirit vanished from our sight.



 From the book The Guiding Star

Writings made by visible full-form spirit materializations
through the mediumship of William W. Aber

A Catholic priest unites with his true love after death

[Jose, a Roman Catholic priest, dictates his experience to Dr. Reed, as his amanuensis, in these words, to-wit:]

I am told that my history may be of great benefit to the people of earth, If it were not for this, no inducement, however great, would cause me to traverse the pain-racked road again. With purgatory in the dim distance I tremble when I think of the horrors my superstitious soul has passed through.

I went to America in company with several of my Order. We intended to extend a chain of missions across the southern part of the country. I am told that a few of the ruins are still standing. There are those upon earth and in Spirit who think the life of a priest is a happy one. They think he is the worst of all hypocrites--that only lies fall from his lips. That is true of some, just as it is true of people in every walk of life; but you will find, my friends, that, while many are mistaken, they are honest and earnest.

 We undertook a task that was calculated to make the strongest hearts quail, namely : the subjection of a wild and savage people without the use of firearms. The service of the Catholic Church is so spectacular when all accessories of worship are to be had, that it is no wonder it causes a feeling of awe among our savage brothers. We had no accessories for months, however. Our only accessories were our rosaries and small Bibles or catechisms that we carried. Tramping over hot sands in our coarse robes, our faces sunburned and covered with alkali dust, our tongues parched for water, we were not an inspiring sight for the strolling Indian. I was not captured by them. They were, at all times good and kind to me. I saved the child of a chief from death, and the small token he gave me, whenever shown to other Indians, always secured me a night's lodging. After months, yes, years of hard labor, we passed from one mission to another. These must be built for fort as well as chapel, therefore must be built substantially.

A priest is only human and I was too human for earthly happiness. I would sit in the quiet after vespers and try to communicate with God, but my thoughts would persist in wandering back to the home of my childhood ; and, sometimes, it would seem that heaven could not be a finer sight than the hut with its vine twining around the low door that sheltered my parents. I would come to myself with a start ; then would follow hours of prayer and days of fasting to bring my worldly soul into subjection. I was perishing for an affectionate word or caress from some one ; and, for lack of a human being to bestow it on I lavished it upon the donkey that carried my burden of stone. This was noticed by our Abbot, who was a cold, stern man, and my donkey (innocent brute) was taken from me and given to another who was less tender-hearted. I was bade to carry the stones myself as a penance. The quarry was some distance from the mission, and the journey occupied all the hours of daylight.

While suffering in both mind and body I had the misfortune to fall in love--Oh, the horror of it ! me, a holy man of God, to so debase himself as to love an earthly being. She was an Indian maiden, but fair for the eyes to see. It was then that the evil one himself walked by my side--all day long visions of a happy home with bright-eyed children about my knees danced before my eyes until I felt that I must flee from this terrible temptation. My nights were spent in prayer. Oh! long, terrible hours I spent in my dreams, having all the enemies of hell in company with Satan.

Believing that confession was the only remedy, I went to our Abbot and confessed my sins to him. What do you think my penance was? To wear about my waist a belt of cactus thorns (which are worse than needles, for they not only work into the flesh but poison it), and limit myself to one meal a day ; and, in addition to this, I must carry a bag of sand to be replaced by the heavy stone at the other end of my journey. I could not sleep at night for torture, and without sufficient food; I was, therefore, soon unable to do my share of work. I did not rebel against the decree of our Abbot, as I felt that I must do penance for unholy thoughts. Oh! if I had only known what I do now; and, if hundreds upon earth would accept this as a true history, how many days and years of torture, far more horrible than the fires of hell, would they escape !

 I had spoken no word of love to her I worshiped ; but, so subtle is the power of love that she knew of it and returned it. And, with true womanliness she pleaded with me to go away with her, assuring me that the Great Spirit looked on and was glad. That he wanted his children to be happy. Untutored savage that she was, she was far wiser than I.

 Her pleadings were overheard by another, and I was called before a tribunal and sentenced to a flogging. My worn out, tortured body could not bear the strain and I regained consciousness in another life, surrounded by green grass and trees (is not green the promise of a new life?) instead of miles of sand and cactus. My love has stolen me and borne me away, was the unholy  thought that first entered my mind. It was sweet to lie there--to feel no pain.

While I wondered why my love came not back to me, in her stead came one of my old Order, higher in authority than I. He bade me arise and follow him. As I attempted to do so, a beautiful angel stood before me, and I remember, even now, that the first thing I noticed was that he was without wings. Truly, I thought, I shall never be anything but worldly. He spoke to me thus: Go not with this evil one, my brother. Let not the charms of superstition bear you down in the Spirit World as they did upon earth. Resist him and follow me and find peace and happiness! But I was too thoroughly disciplined to disobey and I arose and followed the one in the black robe. Break the charms of superstition on earth if you would not have them bear you down the dark depths in the spirit world. It is a world of reality to those who dwell there; and, many out of the earthly body it is well-nigh impossible to convince that they are in the world of spirit.

To go back to my first habitation in the Spirit World--it resembled the monasteries of the old world and which I thought it was. For my sins, I was cast into a dark dungeon. It did not matter much as the light without was dim as in a heavy fog, and a strange peculiar light seemed to radiate from my body, that illuminated the room sufficiently, for all ordinary purposes. I don't know how long I remained in this condition, but it must have been for years. Once, while I was repeating prayer, my loved one stood before me and beckoned for me to follow her; and, after all these years of penance and suffering, all the old love came surging back to my willful heart. Nay, it had never left, but had been relegated to the background. I cannot, my darling--can you not see the bars? I cried. She still beckoned; and, before I knew it I was on the outside. My old tormentor returned and ordered me back to my cell, but love was stronger than the sense of duty and I followed her I so truly loved.

What shall I do? I cried, when I found that we were, seemingly, free from the Monastery; they will follow us and compel me to return and may wreak vengeance upon you. We are in the land of the Great Spirit, she replied, and you need not return unless you desire to. You, beloved, are without the earthly body, as I am, and we can live in happiness without being disturbed by the so-called Holy ones.

If the people of earth would do away with the celibacic life of the priests, Catholicism would soon decay. My love and I have been the means of helping untold numbers to break the chains that bind them in the spirit world. We have formed a powerful band whose object is to break those chains upon earth. A happy home upon earth is a counterpart of Heaven. How many men and women upon earth who have dedicated their lives to the Catholic Church would be the founders of happy homes if they would only listen to the God within them that pleads for true love? Shut off from this, many stoop to sins that will keep them in real darkness for years. People who have a high sense of reverence will always be found to be the builders of happy homes, if they are allowed to follow the dictates of love. These words are not written of those who have a high sense of religion, but who are base hypocrites.

This class will follow sensuous pleasures wherever they are placed. Many a poor conscientious priest is eating his heart out in hopeless love for a pure woman. Oh! if he only had the courage to leave the Church and create for himself a heavenly spot upon earth, how much happier he would be through all eternity ! This cannot last many years longer for a powerful band upon the spirit side of life are organizing to tear this barrier to real happiness away. They are not enemies of the Catholic Church but its best true helpers. It is decidedly wrong to hold within its thrall so many thousands of good men and women. Replace the black robes with the white ones; take away the privacy of the convents and monasteries. Stop the thousands of dollars that are pouring into its coffers, and you have taken away the incentive for the hypocritical ones to impose upon those who are sincere and honest. As I said before, there are hundreds of pure men and women in the service of the Catholic Church who are literally bearing a cross,--a cross so heavy that they will feel the weight of it for years and years after they enter spirit life. Be not deceived, my brothers and sisters. The spark of love within your heart that so often becomes a consuming flame, is a part of divinity itself, and not of the devil, as you have been taught. True love desires that only the brightest and happiest things of earth, and heaven too, for that matter, shall surround the object of its affection.

(Signed) Jose


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